Newton’s Laws of Thermodynamics

What are Newton’s Laws of Thermodynamics? This is what I was asked at a recent social gathering, after my profession had been forced out of me. Not that I am generally unwilling to talk about what I do to make ends meet, but this was past midnight on a Saturday around the poker table when I was just beginning to get into my element. I felt disinclined to answer the question as it seemed to purely be a sledging tactic, just to get ahead in the game, rather than a genuine interest in my knowledge repertoire. Nevertheless, I might have plain-and-simple answered it had I known what the Newton’s Laws of Thermodynamics were. I felt I was in Russell Peters kind of situation, where he had been bullied into admitting buying a jar of family jewels from Costco. This is what followed:

‘Umm… Newton had nothing to do with the Laws of Thermodynamics’

‘Ok. What then is the first law of thermodynamics?’

I look around the table to see if anyone comes to my rescue. Not a chance. Oh well… for what it is worth…

‘The first law of thermodynamics is that the change in internal energy of a system equals to…’

‘What is the second law of thermodynamics?’

‘What?’

‘Tell me. What is the second law of thermodynamics?’

‘But I haven’t even finished what the first…’

‘It is me. I am the second law of thermodynamics. This is how I feel’

I think, “That does not make sense, logically to say the very least. But if you mean your entropy is increasing, I see that”.

But I say, ‘Good for you. Can we play now?’

That was that. We moved on to other things. I actually commend the person for stringing Newton, laws and thermodynamics in the same sentence, not only given the state of his inebriation, but also given his background. As far away from mine as it could be without him having to be a cobbler, a cricketer or an entertainer. All this banter reminded me of my high school Physics teacher and his innovative way of teaching the kids Newton’s laws of motion. A definite way to get through to the mind of kids. As this was a long time ago I don’t remember it verbatim, but the lesson is not forgotten. I paraphrase his words:

Newton’s first law of motion: People will keep talking unless acted upon by an external force, i.e., the palm of my hand on their faces.

Newton’s second law of motion: The force of my slap on your face will be equal to product of the mass of my hand and the acceleration with which it hits you.

Newton’s third law of motion: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. For e.g. If I talk you will shut up and listen. On the other hand if you talk, I will make you shut up and listen.

Newton himself could not have put it better. And I may have been one of the very few in this world who learned both the theory and had a personal demonstration of Newton’s laws of motion. No wonder it is hard to forget.

BTW, are you are dying to know? I lost the poker game.